You Lost Him At Hello

Now, before you all go thinking that I totally messed up my date weekend, think again.  In fact, my title has nothing to do with the weekend.  Perhaps I'll discuss my weekend at a later date, then again, perhaps not.

No, this post is about a book.  "The Book", in fact.  There's a book that is being passed around my circle of friends.  The book is You Lost Him At Hello by Jess McCann.  While the theory of a self-help dating book is nothing new, I've never read one like this.  (Not that I've read many.)  After the first chapter, I'd already decided that I did not agree with most of the points contained within the binding.  After the second chapter, I was solid in my decision.  After the third, I decided I'd finish the thing for the sole purpose of argument.

The premise of the book is that dating is just like sales.  While I do believe that you must sell yourself (this is self-promotion, not selling-out) some what, I think that most sales people are full of it and can usually manage to B.S. their way through a deal.  I know a lot of sales people.  They're good at B.S.  I'm not sure that the dating scene is the right place for a load of crap. I mean, if you're looking to string along numerous partners, lead them on and play games, by all means, go ahead.

I took offense when the author claimed that, if a girl says she doesn't play games she: doesn't know how to play, is to lazy to play or doesn't have the discipline to play.  Notice the complete removal of the option for she really doesn't want to play. 

I'm not a player.  If you've been reading this blog at all, you know I'm not one to layer on facade after facade.  I'm not going to tell a guy one thing when I believe another.  Let's be honest, I'm not the kind of girl who is out looking for a good time.  I'm not going to date a different guy every weekend (I so don't meet that many guys).  I don't have a funnel to fill.

Fill a funnel? you ask.  Yes, fill the funnel.  The theory here is that every girl has a funnel and, in dating - like sales, it should always be full. A realtor is always working with multiple deals so that if one falls through, there's another on the table. The theory is that a girl should be stringing along several guys so that if one doesn't work out, she's got another. And this way she doesn't seem completely desperate because she's got other guys to fall back on.  Does this seem conniving and dishonest to anyone else?

Through my reading, I have to remind myself that this book is written by someone who does not hold the same set of standards as I, nor does she share my faith.  In fact, it seems that all she does is date, date, date.  My question is, if her practice works so well, why is she still single?  What happens if she finds someone she wants to spend the rest of her life with?  She's so used to dating multiple men, what makes her think that, when the time comes, she'll be able to commit to just one man?  While in theory, some of the points made in the book are valid, but as a whole, it is full of faults.

I'm a fan of I Kissed Dating Good-bye.  I'll stick with that.  Thanks Joshua Harris (at least he's happily married).

You had me at Diet Coke

So, like, remember that post I wrote about that guy.  You know, that guy from Plenty of Fish?  Not Mr Male Model, no.  Not Baby Bowler.  Not Mr Therapy, but the other one.  Ev83.  Yeah, that's him...

I went back to check on his profile to verify some facts.  He's deleted it.  That's okay.  I'll have words with him about it later.  Perhaps after he's read this post.  (Ev, if you're reading this, I have some words for you.)

A PoF guy reads your post? you ask.  Yup.  But he was an eHarmony guy before he was a Plenty of Fish guy.  And I was an eHarmony girl long before I was a Plenty of Fish girl.  And I know he'll get around to reading this.  I guess he's as amused by my experiences as I am.

Ev and I were matched on eHarmony more than a year ago.  I probably wouldn't have contacted him at all if it weren't for his mention of two very specific things: Saskatchewan Roughriders and Diet Coke. We hit it off right away and I was delighted to find a match for my impressive wit and brilliant humour.  By April 1, we were ready to play the mother of all practical jokes.

I've never been one to really participate in April Fool's pranks, but Ev got me started and I offered to help him.  His plan was to create a fake engagement and post it all over Facebook.  This got my gears working and I offered to add some "realism" to his plot and he agreed to let me help.  At midnight, we made quick work of changing our status, pictures and profiles.  It wasn't long before congratulations came streaming in.  The photo of my hand adorned with a big, beautiful rock made it that much better.  I still have a congratulation card pinned to the bulletin board above my desk.  Sigh... that was a great day.  By the end of it we'd broken off the engagement with a two hour argument that will be forever known as epic.

Since then, we've remained good friends.  I made the trip out to see him and he to see me.  Conversation has never been found lacking and our computers aren't fast enough for all the music we try to trade.  The subject of dating hasn't really ever come up...  until lately.

I don't know what Ev's family and friends say about me, but mine tell me I should give the guy a chance.  So, when he finally got past his chicken-ness to ask me out last week, I said yes.  Of course, now we're left waiting until he can take a long weekend from work and can get here to take me out.  I get to pick what we do as long as they include a couple of his preferences.  I pick, he brings his wallet....  Mwahahahaha!

So Ev, here's your chance.  Don't screw it up.  Our last fight was just so draining, I don't know if I can do it all over again.  And if friends is all we're ever meant to be, friends we'll be.  From the start, it's been wild - don't let me down (Hmm... maybe I should listen to that song...).

Date Night!

Guess who had a date last night?  Me!  Hah!  I thoroughly enjoyed it.  Of course, I paid.  I drove.  But I was walked to the door... and then we both went in.

Now, before you all go thinking about what the heck kind of guy I went out with, let me set you straight.

The man I went on a date with last night has been the man in my life all my life.  Yes, all my life.  All 27 years 5 months and 2 days (and technically the 8 1/2 months prior to my birth).  I've been told he was quite a catch back in the day and dated ALL the girls in school.  He's kind and even sometimes considerate.  He's got a soft spot for his little girls (yup, he's got kids, 4 of them) and likes to hang out with his boy.  He loves his wife (Eek!  He's married to boot!) and even loves her mother.  He's not afraid of hard work, but still knows how to relax.

In case you are still wondering what I've gotten myself into... I took my daddy on a date last night.  For Father's Day, I gave him a date night.  We hadn't been to the theatre in what seems like forever.  Daddy and I have had a thing for Robin Hood for a long time.  We all know that, while Kevin Costner has played some memorable roles (Ray Kinsella, Billy Chapel and Frank Farmer), Robin Hood was not his forte.  (At least Cary Elwes had a British accent!)  That, however, has not stopped Daddy and I from watching Prince of Thieves over and over and over again.  When I heard that Ridley Scott was teaming up with Russell Crowe (also paired for Gladiator), to create a new Robin Hood, I was all over that!  Despite mixed reviews, Russell can do no wrong and he did not disappoint me this time.  Daddy and I had a great evening watching a great movie.

My next date with a guy will not involve a relative (and, yes, I'm sure of that).

Hold it together, man!

I have been amusing even myself over the past weeks as I relay my tales to whoever is out there in cyberspace reading my entries.

Today, though, I have been slightly deeper in thought, especially after a conversation with a good friend.

I've noticed over and over and over again certain attributes as I peruse countless profiles.  I cannot tell you how many divorcees I've come across.  Some, even, who are merely separated.  (As far as I'm concerned, if you're still legally married, you have no business pursuing someone else.)  And many who are listed as single with kids.  The simplest way to describe how I feel about it it sad.

It makes me sad to see that so many marriages have not made it.  It makes me sad to see that so many people seem flippant about the fact that their kids are being raise in single-parent homes.  It makes me sad that relationships that are meant to last forever last only a few years.

To be 29 and divorced?  I don't get that.  Perhaps because of the way I was raised, I have some different ideas when it comes to relationships and especially marriage.  When I see someone divorced at age 29, the only thing I can think of is that they didn't try.  "Irreconcilable differences" is not a reason to end a marriage, it's an excuse for laziness.  Any couple who really wants to make a marriage work, will make it work.

Now, I'm not married, but I'd like to think I've gleaned some valuable information from watching the people around me.  In my mind the #1 reason for divorce in North America is lack of communication.  Once the initial romance wears off (and it does, but I don't think it has to) you get two people who don't really seem to know each other and don't really know how to communicate with each other.  In many cases, they've fallen in love with what the other person wanted them to fall in love with.  When that feeling of being in love wears off, they discover that the feeling is what they've based their relationship on.  This is decision time.  In too many cases, a couple will decide that they don't love each other any more and go their separate ways.   The brave minority will make the choice to stay in love or fall in love all over again.

I think this is where a lasting marriage is made - at the time the decision is made that two people are going to stick it out no matter what.  When you remove the option of divorce, you are left with years of hard work ahead of you that will ultimately pay off in a lasting and loving marriage.  (That's not to say that the hard work never ends, though.)  The couples who have spent years communicating, working and compromising together are the ones that are happy, not the single person who has a trail of ex-spouses and who knows how many children in their wake.

Should I find someone I'm willing to spend the rest of my life with, I may be bringing a whole load of opinions, craziness and shoes, but I'm not towing a trailer of old lovers and small children that will no doubt be the end of all future relationships.  I'm a forever kind of deal.

What does "missionary" mean... to you?

Way back when I was much, much younger than I am now, I had the opportunity to spend some time at Wanaskewin Heritage Park in Saskatchewan.  Back in the day (and maybe still to this day) the tour started with a lighted, narrated diorama that guided the viewer through the history of the site as well as the history of the Cree Nation of the area.  I had the pleasure, nay, the joy of seeing this demonstration, not once, but twice!  Yes, twice!  While many took that time in the dark theatre to catch up on much needed rest, I watched in anticipation wondering what waxy sculpture would be shone upon next.

Over the years, much of the content of the presentation has been lost amidst many other useless facts in the back of my mind, but there are a few words that come back to haunt me over and over... and over and over...  (whispered in a creepy voice) "What does Wanaskewin mean (insert pause here for effect) to you?"  (Google that if you're really curious.)

Now I imagine that you've become curious and are wondering about the reasoning behind my little bit of culture.

I was recently reminded of that haunting little phrase and found the way of questioning relevant.  Not that Plenty of Fish and Wanaskewin have anything to do with each other even in the smallest sense, but it's all in the title.

I wonder what "missionary" means to most people.  In the traditional sense, I see missionary and think prim and proper and often frumpy (when it comes to women).  So, this afternoon I was yet again surprised (though by now I don't believe I ought to be) when pro_man decided to send me an instant message.  After an initial greeting, out of the blue, he says, "I'm a virgin."  Good for you.  "looking to loose it."  Wow.  Thanks for sharing.  My response, "Good luck with that.  I can't help you."  His response, "thanks anyways" (?!?).  Thanks for what?  For refusing to drop my pants at a "pick-up line" (if you can even call it that) that the guy doesn't even have the decency to disguise behind something witty or sexy.

And... wait for it... my now official PoF mantra:  Dirty, Filthy Pervert!

Good golly, it's Marlon Brando back from the dead!

Now, most people know Marlon Brando from The Godfather.  Never having seen any of the Godfather movies, my memories of the brilliant actor come from a different genre of film entirely.  I will take no arguments from anyone when I say that his best film was Guys and Dolls.  In fact, there are many Brando fans who skip this film entirely.  Brando with Sinatra in a musical?  He's lost his manhood!  Ack!  Never!  It takes a man's man to remain manly in a movie rife with song and dance.

Why the sudden Brando rant, you ask?  Well, my #1 match of the morning could be mistaken as a close relation.  The cigar tucked into his headgear is reminiscent of Sky Masterson.

Ah, Marlon in a three-piece, wing-tips and fedora.  If I could have any man, that's who he'd be.  Who cares if he runs a crap game in the sewers?  Any man who takes a girl to a Havana cantina on a first date gets a thumbs up from yours truly.  He married a goody two-shoes Salvation Army officer, didn't he?  I am the 21st century version of Sergeant Sarah Brown.

If only 2sweet99 were Marlon (a.k.a. Sky Masterson). I'd have already been swept off my feet.

I'm looking for someone sweet, not a sugar daddy.

In what universe would I ever be interested in a 58 year-old divorced Jew with kids over the age of 18?  (Not that I have anything in general against 58 year-olds, divorcees, Jews or kids over the age of 18 - I am, after all, a kid over the age of 18.)  I'm just not looking for those qualities in a future mate.

Mr Old-Enough-To-Be-My-Father is apparently a film producer (imdb.com has his last film listed for 2003 - so I assume that he's an out of work film producer or has only made movies so bad they failed to be credited).  He's also a "bissness" man.  Everything a woman could want & then some! (His words, not mine.)

**shudder**  Wait...  **shudder**

I fail to recall entering "looking for a golf buddy for my father" in my profile.  Perhaps I should double-check.  I would have assumed that this guy was woefully mislead if it weren't for the fact that he himself stated in his profile that he is looking for a woman under 30.

Wait for it... **shudder**

He brags about owning a house not only in L.A., but also one in San Diego (both locations spelled incorrectly).  I couldn't care less that he owns a couple of houses in California.  He's only in my area for six months.  Makes me wonder what he's actually looking for.

I admit that I'm a pretty sweet girl, but I'm not the arm candy kind.  I'd like to consider myself more of a nice, big mug of rich hot chocolate topped with a million mini marshmallows.

Looks like this guy was mis-informed as to the location of the Playboy mansion.