The List

I think every girl has written one at some point in her life.  It is "The List".  A complete list of all the things she is looking for in a perfect man.  And that's exactly what this fictional character is: perfection.

I know women who think their mates are The List embodied.  It makes me believe that old saying about love being blind.  Ladies, no husband is everything on your list.  And don't try to convince me that your list had only five items or that your husband does indeed fulfill them all.

I myself even have a List.  I found it last week.  It was good for a laugh and that's about it.  It wasn't dated, so I'm not sure how old it is, but I also found stuck in the same notebook a printed photo of Karl Urban (from my Lord of the Rings days) which would date the book around 2002.  I was 19.  What did I know?  I'd just come out of a relationship with a guy 12 years my senior (who met maybe 2 points on my list - bad idea) and had no idea what I wanted out of life.  Heck, 8 years later, I'm still not entirely sure what I want out of life!

My List has some valid points - must be a Christian, must treat his mom well and some that no longer matter - must be Canadian, must musical (though this would still be nice, it's not neccessary).  While some were mere preferences at the time, so much has changed since it's initial creation.  My list has dwindled over the years.  Either I've become less picky with time or I've realized that all those tiny details aren't the ones that matter.

So, never fear all you men out there!  I'm no longer checking off "yes" or "no" on an infinite list of perfect qualities.  There are more important things in life than fulfilling The List.

holiday** : More than words

"She wore red, her hair flowed like water. I saw her smile and it shook my heart. Such beauty. It reminded me of a time long ago...."

Um... You're a poet and don't even know it or what?  This is part of a real profile from what I assume is a real person.  And that's not all - it keeps going and going and going.  I am reminded of a pink bunny...

Save the lyrics for a song and the poems for a love letter.  What ever this is and where ever it came from only tells me that you're not even creative enough to write your own profile or that you're so bland that you're embarassed to tell the world who you are and what you do.

This profile just gets lost in the abyss of random, wacky and the downright strange.  Not only will people stop reading after the first queer line, but they'll most likely begin searching for someone who's profile picture doesn't look like they're taking a leak.

Thank you holiday** for another lesson in how not to post a profile.  I appreciate your contribution!

Glory! Hallelujah!

There is at least one intelligent man on Plenty of Fish and he sent me a message.  Yes, ME!  After receiving a "Hey gorgeous, wanna go for coffee sometime?" from a 42 year old guy, I was beginning to question my own sanity in keeping my profile active and then this guy comes along.

The first thing he asked was about my tattoo.  Ask away!  I'll tell anyone about my tattoo (and in case you can't read it, it says "Send me" with scripture reference to Isaiah 6:8).  I find that most people who are proud of their tats are pretty open about them.  I am one such person.  Two years inked and I'm still proud... and off topic, apparently.

So he asks about my tattoo and I respond.  In the next message he tells me about his ink and asks how I came to Christ.  Now that is a good question!  Don't ask me out for coffee in your first message.  I'm most likely to ignore you completely.  I'm not out for a one night stand!  I want to get to know you a little bit before I put my life in your hands.  How am I to know you're not a dirty, filthy pervert?  Besides, if I went out for coffee with every random guy on Plenty of Fish who asked, I'd have a lot of dates and what is sure to be a trail of broken hearts behind me.  Yes, I am just that good.

So my faith in cyber-dating has been renewed for the time being.  Not all men are total losers or perverts!  Yay-hooray!

So you think I'm cute...

Word of advice.  Don't send a girl an email just because you think she's cute.  I can't tell you how many messages I've had from men with whom I have absolutely nothing in common but the fact that we live in the same general vicinity.

I had a bite yesterday.  The first line, "hey beautiful, how it going?"  Aside from the lack of capital letters and proper spelling, there are several things wrong with this line.  I don't mind if you think I'm beautiful, but don't call me a pet name before you get to know me.  And, by the way, it going well.

The guy proceeds to ask me how long of been on PoF (Plenty of Fish - for those of you who are acronymically challenged). I tell him and then he asks if I have MSN and offers me his contact information. "ok, so wht would you say if i ask you to add me msn?" My response: "I'd wonder what you're hoping to get out of chatting after you've read my profile. Not that I don't want to chat, but I've had a lot of people want to chat and I can't figure out why..." And then I gave him my email address. He never added me to MSN and never sent another message.

Here's the problem when people pay attention to looks only.  I'm a good girl.  A church-going, Bible-studying missionary.  If you have a home brewery and spend your weekends at the pub, I can tell you right now that we are not compatible.  Sure, we may have good conversation and there could be the possibility that we enjoy each other's company, but let's be honest here, we're not really on this site looking for buddies.

I've come to the conclusion that most women who take part in online dating are looking for romance, someone to spend time with, someone to keep them company.  Most men are looking for something a little different and that doesn't usually spend endless evenings in a coffee shop talking.

While I believe that physical attraction can play an important role in the beginnings of a new relationship, to base your choices solely on looks just shows how shallow you really are.

Don't message me just because you think I'm cute.  You're not going to get into my pants with flattery.

U R PriT

First of all, look down.  See that thing on the desk in front of you with a bunch of letters on it?  Yeah, that's a keyboard and, believe it or not, it's got ALL the letters of the alphabet!  And, get this, those buttons actually work!  Yes, my friend, those little keys unlock the entire English language, but apparently your brain does not.

I can see by your profile that you have a post-secondary education, but I think you're lying.  Or maybe you're not, but I highly doubt that you made top grades in English.  (Hint: if you're trying to convince someone that you are intelligent, you need to learn to type, and spell.  A bit of proper grammar would go a long way, too.)

Here are some possible conclusions:  a) you're a moron b) you're a rocket scientist, but don't want me to feel inferior to your outrageous intelligence c) you're a big, fat liar.  No matter what you are, I'm not likely to respond to your profile or any message you may send me.  I don't go for morons, liars or those who dumb down their intelligence (though if you start spewing words that are too long to fit on one line, I'll most likely tune out).

Call me old school, but I refuse to learn texting shorthand just to score a date.

Snakes Aren't Sexy

Still no new bites, but I have a few tips for you men out there looking for us girls to nibble:

If you think wrapping a snake around your neck is going to get you a date, perhaps you should think again.  Brittany Spears is still feeling the repercussions for her little snake dance.  You're not helping her cause, nor are you helping your own cause.  Slowly removed the reptile from your shoulders and put it back in it's tank where it belongs.

I don't believe it when your profile says that you drink only occasionally when you have a beer in your hand in all eight pictures you've posted.  Either you drink more than you let on and don't want people thinking you're an alcoholic, you're trying to make yourself look super-cool by drinking on every continent or your friends need to put the cameras away when drinking.

Posting pictures of yourself entangled with a woman will not get you a new woman.  If she's your sister, cousin or mother perhaps you should a) take a step back so you look like relatives rather than lovers and b) add a caption.  You don't look so much alike that people just know you're relations.

Long, dark beard + long blond hair = bad idea.  Cut, shave or dye.

Is that speck on a snowy mountain really you? I can't tell. The blinding glare from the snow blacks out your eyes.  (If I can't see you, you won't be seeing me.)

If you want to try to convince me that you are actually Clint Eastwood, maybe try posting a picture that wasn't taken in 1972.  (I still won't believe you, though.)

Fish are a lot like snakes - most women aren't turned on by your weekend catch.  Slimy, wriggling fish are not sexy, even if your stunning smile is.

Hand your camera to a buddy, your web cam takes terrible pictures and you won't look as full of yourself as you do when you take pictures of yourself in the mirror with you iPhone.

I pray this helps.  Lord knows I could stand looking at some decent profile pictures...

Not So Many Fish

There aren't as many fish in the sea as Plenty of Fish would like you to believe.  At least none that are biting.  I've learned that if I don't bite first, they won't bite back.

I made it through the weekend without a single communication received.  Mind you, I didn't send any out either.  Call me old fashioned, but I'd rather be pursued than the pursuer.  I've put myself "out there" by posting a profile.  Men should be flocking toward me (or my profile) and sending me messages left, right and centre!  Here I am world (of men), come to me!  Or not.

I did get a nibble by a 51 year old man.  Should I be flattered or disgusted?  I know I'm 27, but with an age difference like that, the word pedophile was one of the first to jump into my mind.  I'm more inclined to be flattered if a 23 year old male model from Spain views my profile.