Clearing the Air

It seems to me that there are some serious misconceptions about who and what a Christian woman is. I'd like to make some clarifications.

Myth 1: A Christian woman belongs in the home, not in the workforce.
Truth: According to Proverbs 31:16, "She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard." That doesn't sound like a housewife to me.

Myth 2: A Christian woman shouldn't/can't do manual labour. That's a man's job.
Truth: Yes, a man should work (this is also a biblical principle), but a woman can, too. "She is energetic and strong, a hard worker." (Proverbs 31:17)

Myth 3: A Christian woman should seen and not heard.
Truth: "When she speaks, her words are wise." (Proverbs 31:26)

Myth 4: A Christian woman should just go about her work. It's her job, she doesn't need to be thanked for it.
Truth: "Reward her for all she has done." (Proverbs 31:31)

Myth 5: A Christian woman should be meek and mild.
Truth: In Ruth 3, Naomi instructs her daughter-in-law on how to win over Boaz. It's not a meek and mild woman that would go to a man and risk defaming not only herself, but him as well. Both women acted out of boldness.

Myth 6: Christian women are prudes.
Truth: Just because some of us have made the choice to abstain from sex until marriage doesn't mean we aren't human. Horomones rage no matter what choice you've made. It's our response to those urges that makes us different. "I am my lover's, the one he desires. Come, my love, let us go out into the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers... And there I will give you my love." (Song of Songs 7:10-12) That doesn't sound like a prude to me. However, Song of Songs also says in 8:4, "I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

I know that there are a lot more ideas out there of what a Christian woman should be. Just because people think we should be a certain way doesn't mean we are. Don't be surprised when we aren't.

Confession Time

So it's been a while since I've posted. I've been busy with school, homework and procrastination - which is exactly what I'm doing right now. I should be doing homework, but I just got a phone call from my mom who was talking to a friend of hers who had seen this article is on the front page of the Vancouver Sun website today. It was followed by this article.

On one side, we see a few godly women standing up for what they believe in and encouraging godly men to do the same (if any guys are reading this check out this video). And on the other side we see an entire generation who have no idea what it means to have a real relationship with someone.

I'm still here. Waiting. I have to keep reminding myself that God will bring around the right guy at the right time, but sometimes I get to wondering if that right guy is in the right place and if he's not, will he ever find me. And then I wonder if I'm even in the right place. So many questions and so few real answers. It becomes difficult for a girl like me to even talk to anyone because, let's face it, if a 28 year old girl says, "oh, by the way, I'm a virgin..." the best response is usually a blank stare. People don't know how to respond anymore. In a culture so inundated with sex, purity has been all but lost - even in the church.

There are so many things that have begun to burn in my spirit and this is one of them, but they all tie together. My biggest beef right now - why do Christians have to be the tolerant ones? Why is it that every other race, religion and culture can speak out and be proud, but as soon as a Christian stands up, they become a bigot? All I have to say is watch out, world, here I come. If I'm not getting the notice, at least someone is. It's time that more people like Amy, Tamara, Lisa and Danielle stand up for what they believe in and refuse to back down.

A Little Clarification

It seems that I have more readers than I thought (this is based on the number of comments I've recently received) and they are as opinionated as I am! I'm all for sharing opinions as long as it stays nice and doesn't get nasty. For readers new to LMV, I feel I should clarify a few things:

Just because I have a Plenty of Fish profile does not mean I expect to meet that special someone on Plenty of Fish. The fact that I've even come across a few seemingly decent men is an absolute surprise to me. I'd rather meet a good man the old-fashioned way - at church.

I realise I have a different set of standards than most people. I strongly believe that Christians are called to something higher than the rest of the world. I abstain as much as possible from certain things (I don't drink - ever, I don't do drugs, as the title of this blog would imply, I'm a virgin, I don't smoke, I don't swear). These are all things I find unbecoming to Christians. We will never win the world if we act exactly like the world. God called us to be set apart - I intend to live that life.

Despite these strong opinions, I'm not a prude. I like to have fun as much as the next person, but fun doesn't have to include alcohol, clubs or bars. I like going to pubs (their food is just so good!) on occasion, but I don't make a habit of it.

I don't think it's too much to ask that a man live up to these standards. I've met them. They do exist. So, rather than lower my standards, I'll keep waiting (just like I have been for 28 years).

Response to a Reader

I recently received the following comment on my post "Apparent Christianity" from an anonymous reader:

I listed myself as a Christian on my POF profile. I am a Christian, I believe in God and I accept Jesus as the son of God yes. But I don't live an incredibly Christian lifestyle Jordan. I am not a virgin, I support Gay rights, I am pro choice. I don't think it is fair of you to judge some one who says they are Christian vs. their hobbies and interests....

Love from, Successful POF User

To Successful POF User:

First of all, this blog is entirely my own opinion. I understand that many of my views are considered old-fashioned and, in many cases, socially unacceptable. While I don't live a perfect life, by giving myself a label of "Christian", I try to live a life worthy of the name and the call God has placed on my life. To be a Christian is to be Christ-like - promoting what He promotes and avoiding what He avoids. To live a life according to biblical principles is to live a life of abstinence before marriage, to promote life (at all stages - from conception to death) and to promote the sanctity of marriage (and romantic relationships).

Let's also remember that my "judgement" of these men is based entirely upon whether or not I think they are marriageable material - for me, no one else. I will not marry a man who spends his weekends drinking at the pub. I will not marry a man who thinks it's okay for two men or two women to marry. I will not marry a man who believes it is a woman's choice whether or not to kill her unborn child. These are standards I've set for myself and I do not expect that everyone will conform to them.

It is my opinion that, if someone gives them self the label of "Christian" that they should do everything in their power (with the help of God) to live a life worthy of that call. The world is lost because too many Christians are themselves lost. If a Christian is no different from the world, what is there to draw the unbelievers to the knowledge of Christ?

Finding Hope

I'm still not holding my breath about finding the love of my life on Plenty of Fish, but, every once in a while, someone stands out. The most recent man to rise above doesn't claim to be a Christian and we are in no way compatible, but I got the following message from him:

I truly truly truly wish you the best. Even though I am not a Christian when I see girls with a solid relationship with God ,my hearts gets warmer a bit.

I am impressed on several levels. First - that he took the time to read my profile rather than just clicking "Meet Me" because he happened to like my smile. Second - that he respects the life I've chosen for myself. But then I ask, why can't Christian guys be like that? 

Apparent Christianity

Here's what the average Christian man on Plenty of Fish looks like:

- social drinker
- local pub regular
- womanizer
- Sunday morning sleeper
- potty mouth
- looking for casual dates or "friends"
- wine/beer enthusiast

Call me old-fashioned, but this doesn't look like a decent Christian man to me.

True story: I just read in a list of interests "18a cartoons" and "boobs LOL" from a guy claiming to be a Christian. If I was worried about finding a good man before... I think someone just flushed the toilet containing my last hope.

Dirty Filthy Pervert - Part 2

Off Again, On Again

I'm not usually the stop and start kind of gal, but in this case, it happened and I'll try not to let it happen again. After taking a break from all things online dating, I tried real dating. Sort of. Long distance is better than cyberspace, isn't it? Things went well, he knows how to treat a lady, but in the end, we were running two very different races.

So...  I jumped back in the pond. Not that I'm expecting a catch or anything. I do it more to amuse myself. I've been gone a while and some changes have been made to the site during that time, not all of them good. I will not discuss them now, but rest assured that I will address those issues in a later post.

My grievance this night is that of the options available when stating ones religion. I have "Christian-Other" marked off. Some people have "Catholic" others "Sikh". That's alright with me. Here in Canada, we are granted the freedom of religion through our Charter of Rights and Freedoms. But one option that keeps popping up over and over is "Other Religion".

Now, before you go off saying how many faiths there are, let me explain that I thought the list of options to be quite exhaustive. Most people just use "Not Religious" and be done with it. I don't get this "Other Religion" thing. What other religion? What sort of far out, wacky religion do these people belong to?

Here's my opinion: the people who fall under the category of "Other Religion" do not, in fact, belong to a religion at all, but they are merely so self-centred, self-serving that they worship only themselves. Of course, self-worship is not listed as an option, so "Other Religion" is the only viable option. Now if only these men would clarify this in their profiles, it would save a lot of women a lot of trouble and heartache.

Do I look like a heathen to you?

Mark330xi says "ur beautiful".  (First off, I didn't realize I could get instant messages on Plenty of Fish.)  At least he got one of three words spelled right.  Punctuation leaves something to be desired. 

Mark/Menosh (don't know which is his real name) sent me a message the other day saying he like my well-written profile.  He loves my pretty smile and would love to get to know me.  Yup.  Mm hmm.  Today he sent me an IM asking if I liked what I read on his profile.  Sure, why not?  Seems like a half-decent guy and I told him so, but I don't see what we have in common and he promptly closed his IM window.

Mark/Menosh is 5'8" (taller than me, but still too short for my heels), divorced (been there, done that, not gonna do it again), drinks socially (you know I don't really believe anyone who says that), likes weekend getaways (I'm not leaving with any man on an overnight trip until my honeymoon), and on a first date would go for drinks on an outdoor patio (as opposed to an indoor patio).

"Beauty is only skin deep - persoanlity and substance is the key."  I don't even know what to say to that.  This guy messaged me because he thinks I'm cute (must look like a dog on the inside if beauty is only skin deep), thinks personality (at least I'm assume that's what he means) and substance are key, yet didn't really read my profile (well, maybe he did and chose to ignore several important points).

And here comes my rant:

Guys - girls who don't drink aren't going to go for drinks on a first date. 

Just because you think I'm cute doesn't mean I'm going to think you're cute especially when my eyes are more drawn to the mess in your bathroom rather than your face (which, by the way, is too blurry for me to discern any details in your features).

If you don't want me to waste your time, don't waste mine.  Most people who feel the need to express their religious status (whether it be Christian, Jewish, Sikh, Muslim or any other), aren't looking for people who aren't religious at all.  If you're not a Christian, I can tell you right now, anything else we may have in common is pretty much void - that is unless you're willing to convert (and by convert, I don't mean get sprinkled in the church so you can say you're a Christian, I mean, full out, Holy Ghost-filled, fire-baptized, gonna change the world convert).

I am never ceased to be amazed at the people in the world who do no recognise the great importance of faith in others.  Just because you don't care that I have faith doesn't mean that I don't care that you don't.  And let's be honest, if you like to spend your weekends at the pub, I'm gonna be a downer for you since I spent my weekends at church.

I'd Rather Smoke A Joint

Every good Christian girl is looking for several things in a potential mate.  Is he a Christian?  Does he come from a good family?  Does he go to a decent church?  One question I'd never think to ask: would he rather smoke a joint?  Yeah, I'm as flabbergasted as you are.

Mr Zairois sent me quite the message this afternoon, "how are you doing Dear?" (I'm not your Dear.  Don't call me that.  But I'm flattered you'd think to capitalize it!)

When debating whether or not to respond to a communication, I check out the profile before I even read the message.  If I don't like what I see, I won't respond (but you'd better believe I'm going to blog about it later if I find it demeaning, amusing or downright absurd).

Zairois is 26 and stands no taller than I.  (I made an attempt today to try to explain to a friend why this is a problem with any man:  I, like any normal woman, love shoes.  Stilettos to be exact.  So, on any given day, while I stand only 5'5" barefoot, I clear 5'9" with my shoes on.  Been there, done that, would rather not tower over my man.  In my mind that's like an elf dating a hobbit.  I just can't picture it.)  He claims to be a Christian and his profession is "work" (good for you!).  Among his list of interests is wine, martinis, beer and pubs.  (I understand that the whole alcohol thing is a personal choice and everything, but I'm of the opinion that Christians shouldn't be the ones over-indulging, let alone advertising that's how they spend their free time.  But... I'll let it slide this time because, in the words of my brother, it just keeps gettin' gooder and gooder.)

Zairois is "Good man ,responsible, good listener,.....down to earth, Head on shoulders"  Glad to know he currently resides on planet earth and that his head is indeed on his shoulders (with most men, I'd say it's below the waist).

I like to spend my Sunday mornings at church.  Aside from the fact that I have numerous church-related commitments to fulfill on the Sabbath, even if I didn't, I think that church is a good habit for, well, anyone.  Zairois?  Not him.  He's got other plans for his holy day.

"One of my favourite things to do on a Sunday morning is to sit outside with a coffee and a joint!"

Yup, you read that right.  Coffee and a joint.  I wracked my brain trying to think of anything else the word "joint" could be referring to.  I drew a blank.  Asked some friends and still came up short (5'5" to be exact).  So, if you happen to know something I don't, please enlighten me, otherwise, Zairois is heading to my list of blocked users.

Coffee and a joint...

The List

I think every girl has written one at some point in her life.  It is "The List".  A complete list of all the things she is looking for in a perfect man.  And that's exactly what this fictional character is: perfection.

I know women who think their mates are The List embodied.  It makes me believe that old saying about love being blind.  Ladies, no husband is everything on your list.  And don't try to convince me that your list had only five items or that your husband does indeed fulfill them all.

I myself even have a List.  I found it last week.  It was good for a laugh and that's about it.  It wasn't dated, so I'm not sure how old it is, but I also found stuck in the same notebook a printed photo of Karl Urban (from my Lord of the Rings days) which would date the book around 2002.  I was 19.  What did I know?  I'd just come out of a relationship with a guy 12 years my senior (who met maybe 2 points on my list - bad idea) and had no idea what I wanted out of life.  Heck, 8 years later, I'm still not entirely sure what I want out of life!

My List has some valid points - must be a Christian, must treat his mom well and some that no longer matter - must be Canadian, must musical (though this would still be nice, it's not neccessary).  While some were mere preferences at the time, so much has changed since it's initial creation.  My list has dwindled over the years.  Either I've become less picky with time or I've realized that all those tiny details aren't the ones that matter.

So, never fear all you men out there!  I'm no longer checking off "yes" or "no" on an infinite list of perfect qualities.  There are more important things in life than fulfilling The List.

Glory! Hallelujah!

There is at least one intelligent man on Plenty of Fish and he sent me a message.  Yes, ME!  After receiving a "Hey gorgeous, wanna go for coffee sometime?" from a 42 year old guy, I was beginning to question my own sanity in keeping my profile active and then this guy comes along.

The first thing he asked was about my tattoo.  Ask away!  I'll tell anyone about my tattoo (and in case you can't read it, it says "Send me" with scripture reference to Isaiah 6:8).  I find that most people who are proud of their tats are pretty open about them.  I am one such person.  Two years inked and I'm still proud... and off topic, apparently.

So he asks about my tattoo and I respond.  In the next message he tells me about his ink and asks how I came to Christ.  Now that is a good question!  Don't ask me out for coffee in your first message.  I'm most likely to ignore you completely.  I'm not out for a one night stand!  I want to get to know you a little bit before I put my life in your hands.  How am I to know you're not a dirty, filthy pervert?  Besides, if I went out for coffee with every random guy on Plenty of Fish who asked, I'd have a lot of dates and what is sure to be a trail of broken hearts behind me.  Yes, I am just that good.

So my faith in cyber-dating has been renewed for the time being.  Not all men are total losers or perverts!  Yay-hooray!

Canda033 A.K.A. Dirty Filthy Pervert

I've only been fishing for two weeks. There may be plenty of fish out there, but there aren't too many good catches. I've tossed a few back already.

This week's major catch was Canda033. His profile looked alright. The picture not too bad. We messaged back and forth a few times and he wanted to instant message. I thought, why not? So I gave him my disposable email address and he immediately added me to his messenger. I ignored him for a while. Let him dangle a bit, right? Shortly after that, he sent me a Fish message asking me to sign on to messenger. Fiesty little bugger. So I gave in and signed on.

He got through the small talk in no time and kept insisting that we are the same. I wasn't sure how he came to that conclusion. He's a Middle Eastern man and me a Canadian woman. Can't get much different than that.

"This may surprise you, but I have not made love in more than six months." Ew! Why would you tell me that?

"I've never made love, so I'm not surprised." At first he didn't believe me and then it was his turn to be surprised. He again insisted that we are the same. I was still not getting the connection.

Mr. Canda033 proceeded to ask some rather personal questions which I either skirted around or ignored. I told him I had to go. He wanted me to stay and chat. I told him I had to get up early in the morning. He wanted me to start my web cam. He started his. Talk about one disappointment after another. It should be a law that, if you post pictures to a dating site, they should actually look like you. The real thing was NOTHING like the picture his profile flaunted. It was in that moment that I knew I'd never activate my camera. I told him again I needed to leave.

"But I want you to stay and chat. I want to excite you." Ew... you Dirty Filthy Pervert! (I've lost track of how many times that phrase has escaped my lips this week.) Given where the conversation had been, I had no doubt of where it was now headed and I wanted no part in it. I immediately closed the chat, blocked him and deleted him from my messenger. Before I could even block him from Plenty of Fish, he'd sent me a message wondering where I'd gone. Block. Delete.

I left my computer that evening feeling highly offended and deeply violated. Apparently, in a parallel universe, Good Little Christian Missionary is secret code for filthy whore. That's how I felt he'd treated me. A girl my age doesn't save her viriginity only to have some pervert online try to excite her. He did get me excited, but it had nothing to do with sex.. and a new blog was born.

So here's my warning to my fellow fisherwomen - watch out for Dirty Filthy Pervert... er... Canda033 (at least the username is something like that, I can't be sure)!