Opposites Are Attracted To Me

I had two very different Plenty of Fish experiences in as many days.

The first was yesterday. I may or may not have been online while at work and suddenly a message pops up on Plenty of Fish. Someone wanted to chat with me! Usually I click "decline" simply because of past experiences. This time, I clicked "accept". It turned out to be alrigh. Not that I'd ever date this guy or anything, but he was a nice Indian guy who seemed floored that I adore Indian movies as much as he does. He spent the better part of a half an hour trying to convince me to go see a movie with him next weekend. Just so happens, I've been thinking about going to see the movie over Christmas break. As a white chick, it's pretty difficult to find movie dates when the movie you want to see is in Hindi with English subtitles.

I was impressed that this guy just chatted with me for the afternoon. No disgusting suggestions or off-colour comments, just questions and answers. Refreshing, really.

The second experience just goes to show that a girl can't keep her hopes up. Another instant message box popped up today. "Hey, wanna hump?" I'm still baffled that some people think that this is an appropriate introduction to a conversation. No, thank you, I don't want to hump. Close. Delete. Block.

Pinky, are you pondering what I'm pondering?

"I think so, Brain, but what if the hippopotamus won't wear the beach thong?"

If you see a dude in a hot pink satin shirt, sitting beside a pink purse and holding a camera in a pink case, what would you think? Seriously. True story.

Shahid Kapoor Changed My Life

Ask anyone who's been anywhere near me since September of this year and they'll most likely tell you that there's something different about me. I blame Shahid Kapoor. This is Shahid:

One day on my fall break from school I decided to watch a movie. I began perusing Netflix and somehow ended up in the Bollywood section (don't even ask, I haven't figured it out myself). That was the day my life changed. By chance, I chose a movie starring none other than Mr. Shahid Kapoor (voted Asia's #2 sexiest man second to Hrithik Roshan). I loved the movie and was later disappointed to find out it hadn't done well in the theatres (it was a timing thing). Chance Pe Dance is what got the Bollywood ball rolling down a steep, slippery slope. When things go down, they tend to gain speed. Now, some three months later, I've nearly exhausted Netflix of all the Hindi-language films, picked over the Bollywood DVD selection at certain Wal-Marts and even convinced both my mom and my best friend to see Shahid's latest flick (Mausam) in the theatre (on separate days - I didn't mind seeing it twice). I find myself looking for sub-titles even when I'm watching English movies and I often forget that I can't actually speak Hindi nor am I brown.

What does this have to do with being a virgin? Nothing. But it has everything to do with men. Sort of. Here's the thing: I think North American men have forgotten how to be real men - just like North American women have forgotten how to be real women. Men here have to be all strong and tough. It's not okay to show emotion. Real men don't cry. I don't think I've seen a Bollywood film in which the hero didn't cry. But these are still manly men. Hollywood has nothing to offer compared to the likes of Shahid Kapoor, Hrithik Roshan, John Abraham and so many others.

I watch these movies wondering why men can't be like that in real life (yes, yes, I know they're just movies). It seems that there's still something left in the Indian culture that the Western world has swept under the rug. How often are men here applauded for their tears? Honestly (unless the guy is a complete wuss), I think tears are sexy. They show that we're still human. They show that we feel. I'm beginning to see that, as we spend more and more time away from real life (sitting in front of a screen of any sort is not considered real life), the less we feel real things. Real emotions come from reality, not reality tv shows. We've placed ourselves in the lives of other people rather than living life for ourselves. We are no longer real people.

So here I am. I think I'm real... most of the time anyway. But finding real people to surround myself with is becoming increasingly more difficult. I want to spend my time with people who have real lives, real feelings, real emotions and who aren't afraid to show it. When did it become manly or womanly to bottle everything up inside? Looking around I can't say that it's been good for society as a whole. I'm looking for a man who can learn a few things from these Bollywood hunks. Be a man. Cry a little every once in a while.

Clearing the Air

It seems to me that there are some serious misconceptions about who and what a Christian woman is. I'd like to make some clarifications.

Myth 1: A Christian woman belongs in the home, not in the workforce.
Truth: According to Proverbs 31:16, "She goes out to inspect a field and buys it; with her earnings she plants a vineyard." That doesn't sound like a housewife to me.

Myth 2: A Christian woman shouldn't/can't do manual labour. That's a man's job.
Truth: Yes, a man should work (this is also a biblical principle), but a woman can, too. "She is energetic and strong, a hard worker." (Proverbs 31:17)

Myth 3: A Christian woman should seen and not heard.
Truth: "When she speaks, her words are wise." (Proverbs 31:26)

Myth 4: A Christian woman should just go about her work. It's her job, she doesn't need to be thanked for it.
Truth: "Reward her for all she has done." (Proverbs 31:31)

Myth 5: A Christian woman should be meek and mild.
Truth: In Ruth 3, Naomi instructs her daughter-in-law on how to win over Boaz. It's not a meek and mild woman that would go to a man and risk defaming not only herself, but him as well. Both women acted out of boldness.

Myth 6: Christian women are prudes.
Truth: Just because some of us have made the choice to abstain from sex until marriage doesn't mean we aren't human. Horomones rage no matter what choice you've made. It's our response to those urges that makes us different. "I am my lover's, the one he desires. Come, my love, let us go out into the fields and spend the night among the wildflowers... And there I will give you my love." (Song of Songs 7:10-12) That doesn't sound like a prude to me. However, Song of Songs also says in 8:4, "I want you to promise, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right."

I know that there are a lot more ideas out there of what a Christian woman should be. Just because people think we should be a certain way doesn't mean we are. Don't be surprised when we aren't.

Keepin' it going.

Thanks to my little sister, I managed to get a shout out on the Vancouver Sun and it seems my readership has suddenly increased - as have the comments. I admit that I was pretty discouraged after reading a particular comment and even got to wondering if I should even continue on with this blog, but thanks to a whole bunch of really encouraging comments, there's no way I'm giving up that easily.

The intent of this blog was never to try to impart deep spiritual truths about maintaining purity in the world I live in, but rather to offer a humerous take on life, love and online dating.

Confession Time

So it's been a while since I've posted. I've been busy with school, homework and procrastination - which is exactly what I'm doing right now. I should be doing homework, but I just got a phone call from my mom who was talking to a friend of hers who had seen this article is on the front page of the Vancouver Sun website today. It was followed by this article.

On one side, we see a few godly women standing up for what they believe in and encouraging godly men to do the same (if any guys are reading this check out this video). And on the other side we see an entire generation who have no idea what it means to have a real relationship with someone.

I'm still here. Waiting. I have to keep reminding myself that God will bring around the right guy at the right time, but sometimes I get to wondering if that right guy is in the right place and if he's not, will he ever find me. And then I wonder if I'm even in the right place. So many questions and so few real answers. It becomes difficult for a girl like me to even talk to anyone because, let's face it, if a 28 year old girl says, "oh, by the way, I'm a virgin..." the best response is usually a blank stare. People don't know how to respond anymore. In a culture so inundated with sex, purity has been all but lost - even in the church.

There are so many things that have begun to burn in my spirit and this is one of them, but they all tie together. My biggest beef right now - why do Christians have to be the tolerant ones? Why is it that every other race, religion and culture can speak out and be proud, but as soon as a Christian stands up, they become a bigot? All I have to say is watch out, world, here I come. If I'm not getting the notice, at least someone is. It's time that more people like Amy, Tamara, Lisa and Danielle stand up for what they believe in and refuse to back down.

I really didn't need to know that...

A couple of weeks ago my phone bleeped with a new email. I had a new message from Plenty of Fish! I got to the nearest computer to see what sort of winner found my profile...

"I just farted really loud and HAD to tell someone."

So glad you thought of me. Thanks.

A Little Clarification

It seems that I have more readers than I thought (this is based on the number of comments I've recently received) and they are as opinionated as I am! I'm all for sharing opinions as long as it stays nice and doesn't get nasty. For readers new to LMV, I feel I should clarify a few things:

Just because I have a Plenty of Fish profile does not mean I expect to meet that special someone on Plenty of Fish. The fact that I've even come across a few seemingly decent men is an absolute surprise to me. I'd rather meet a good man the old-fashioned way - at church.

I realise I have a different set of standards than most people. I strongly believe that Christians are called to something higher than the rest of the world. I abstain as much as possible from certain things (I don't drink - ever, I don't do drugs, as the title of this blog would imply, I'm a virgin, I don't smoke, I don't swear). These are all things I find unbecoming to Christians. We will never win the world if we act exactly like the world. God called us to be set apart - I intend to live that life.

Despite these strong opinions, I'm not a prude. I like to have fun as much as the next person, but fun doesn't have to include alcohol, clubs or bars. I like going to pubs (their food is just so good!) on occasion, but I don't make a habit of it.

I don't think it's too much to ask that a man live up to these standards. I've met them. They do exist. So, rather than lower my standards, I'll keep waiting (just like I have been for 28 years).

Response to a Reader

I recently received the following comment on my post "Apparent Christianity" from an anonymous reader:

I listed myself as a Christian on my POF profile. I am a Christian, I believe in God and I accept Jesus as the son of God yes. But I don't live an incredibly Christian lifestyle Jordan. I am not a virgin, I support Gay rights, I am pro choice. I don't think it is fair of you to judge some one who says they are Christian vs. their hobbies and interests....

Love from, Successful POF User

To Successful POF User:

First of all, this blog is entirely my own opinion. I understand that many of my views are considered old-fashioned and, in many cases, socially unacceptable. While I don't live a perfect life, by giving myself a label of "Christian", I try to live a life worthy of the name and the call God has placed on my life. To be a Christian is to be Christ-like - promoting what He promotes and avoiding what He avoids. To live a life according to biblical principles is to live a life of abstinence before marriage, to promote life (at all stages - from conception to death) and to promote the sanctity of marriage (and romantic relationships).

Let's also remember that my "judgement" of these men is based entirely upon whether or not I think they are marriageable material - for me, no one else. I will not marry a man who spends his weekends drinking at the pub. I will not marry a man who thinks it's okay for two men or two women to marry. I will not marry a man who believes it is a woman's choice whether or not to kill her unborn child. These are standards I've set for myself and I do not expect that everyone will conform to them.

It is my opinion that, if someone gives them self the label of "Christian" that they should do everything in their power (with the help of God) to live a life worthy of that call. The world is lost because too many Christians are themselves lost. If a Christian is no different from the world, what is there to draw the unbelievers to the knowledge of Christ?

Lost the Catch

I thought I had a good one on my line when a gentleman sent me a message last week. He could write and spell and even appeared to have read my profile. I responded (not right away - didn't want to appear too eager), but he hasn't written back.

But that's okay, someone who is "looking for a woman with class" but posts photos of himself with skanks wants to meet me...

Finding Hope

I'm still not holding my breath about finding the love of my life on Plenty of Fish, but, every once in a while, someone stands out. The most recent man to rise above doesn't claim to be a Christian and we are in no way compatible, but I got the following message from him:

I truly truly truly wish you the best. Even though I am not a Christian when I see girls with a solid relationship with God ,my hearts gets warmer a bit.

I am impressed on several levels. First - that he took the time to read my profile rather than just clicking "Meet Me" because he happened to like my smile. Second - that he respects the life I've chosen for myself. But then I ask, why can't Christian guys be like that? 

Apparent Christianity

Here's what the average Christian man on Plenty of Fish looks like:

- social drinker
- local pub regular
- womanizer
- Sunday morning sleeper
- potty mouth
- looking for casual dates or "friends"
- wine/beer enthusiast

Call me old-fashioned, but this doesn't look like a decent Christian man to me.

True story: I just read in a list of interests "18a cartoons" and "boobs LOL" from a guy claiming to be a Christian. If I was worried about finding a good man before... I think someone just flushed the toilet containing my last hope.

Hey, ur cute! Oh... That's NOT u?

Pet peeve of the week: main photos that clearly contain 3 or more people.

Plenty of Fish encourages all users to put a head shot as their main photo. In fact, you can report someone if they chose not to abide by this request. Sadly, many people do ignore this. It's not that you can't see a person's face, but it's that there are five or six other faces in the photo. You think you're communicating with the cute on the left, but he's really the dog in the middle.

So rather than misleading numerous women (and possibly men) by providing too many faces to choose from, buck up and put your own face on - and only your own face!

*Shaking Head in Amazement*

This guy wants to "meet" me:

	sweet guy looking for something lagit    Vansterdam, British Columbia
	come on don't be timid send me a message after reading :)hello ladys of pof i am here looking to meet the right woman and please don't let my pics give you the wrong impression

I'm looking for something "lagit", too. Only when I'm looking for something real, I try to spell it right.

Did I Miss Something?

Plenty of Fish is a dating site, isn't it? Lately I've begun to question the truth of that.

A couple of weeks ago I got a message from someone that had absolutely nothing to do with dating. The length of said message was surprising as was the fact that it didn't open with "hey ur cute".

TC messaged me with one purpose: to challenge my faith.

I have yet to discover the reason why he commenced communication with me and have even asked outright. At first I played his game. He sent me a list of links to videos and articles, some of which I checked out. I sent him a list of links to videos, all of which he tried to discount for one reason or another.

It seems to me that TC is looking for some answers and, since he can't seem to find them where he's looking, he's taken to challenging those who have found answers for themselves. I know who and what I am and I know who and what I believe in. No one can shake that. TC wanted me to prove my God to him. I can't do that. Only God can prove Himself. TC told me to ask God to reveal Himself to him (I did) and then I told TC to ask God himself. It is not my job to prove anything. God is more than able to do that. But I take offense at those who seek to mock Him and my faith in Him. And to use a dating site to accomplish this?

Like I said, I think I missed something here.

Dirty Filthy Pervert - Part 2

You're So Vain. You Probably Think This Blog is About You.

This fisher woman discovered something this week. When people say a picture is worth a thousand words, it's really true. Since rejoining the pond, I've had this photo posted as my profile picture. I've had a few bites, but not many and, honestly, I haven't really cared.

This is what my friends lovingly refer to as "The Facebook Face". The type of photo people put up on Facebook because they think it makes them look good. I use it because it amuses me, not because I think I'm sexy.


On a whim, I decided to put up a different photo. This one seems to attract a lot more attention. My blackberry has been a-buzz with notifications from Plenty of Fish.  "You have received an new message from..." and "So and so wants to meet you!"

Until now, I didn't really think it mattered all that much. Apparently it does. The part that really gets me is that I never really even liked this picture all that much. I was hot and sweaty when it was taken and I can't even remember what the heck I was laughing at (someone asked me that today). My nose is all scrunchy and one eye is half closed. At least my teeth are straight (thanks for paying for the braces, Mom).

I never claim to understand men, and probably never will. At least for now, it seems that there are a few more fish in the pond who are taking the bait.

Off Again, On Again

I'm not usually the stop and start kind of gal, but in this case, it happened and I'll try not to let it happen again. After taking a break from all things online dating, I tried real dating. Sort of. Long distance is better than cyberspace, isn't it? Things went well, he knows how to treat a lady, but in the end, we were running two very different races.

So...  I jumped back in the pond. Not that I'm expecting a catch or anything. I do it more to amuse myself. I've been gone a while and some changes have been made to the site during that time, not all of them good. I will not discuss them now, but rest assured that I will address those issues in a later post.

My grievance this night is that of the options available when stating ones religion. I have "Christian-Other" marked off. Some people have "Catholic" others "Sikh". That's alright with me. Here in Canada, we are granted the freedom of religion through our Charter of Rights and Freedoms. But one option that keeps popping up over and over is "Other Religion".

Now, before you go off saying how many faiths there are, let me explain that I thought the list of options to be quite exhaustive. Most people just use "Not Religious" and be done with it. I don't get this "Other Religion" thing. What other religion? What sort of far out, wacky religion do these people belong to?

Here's my opinion: the people who fall under the category of "Other Religion" do not, in fact, belong to a religion at all, but they are merely so self-centred, self-serving that they worship only themselves. Of course, self-worship is not listed as an option, so "Other Religion" is the only viable option. Now if only these men would clarify this in their profiles, it would save a lot of women a lot of trouble and heartache.